This Can't Be Real

I wake up in the middle of the night with tears running down my face. I hate this place more and more. This can't be real. I can't stand being here. I want to convince myself that I'm not supposed to be here, that this is all a mistake. One giant mistake. But I know that can't be because each day I find myself more and more consumed by guilt. Guilt for failing my parents and Jerry but above all failing myself. What am I? I want to escape this experience, and the only way I can do that is by continuing with this film. It's the only way I can keep myself sane.